Dealing with "moms"

Well, tonight was another one of those awesome gatherings of friends and their many children...I love these people who we have been brought together with during our stint as overseas teachers at an International school in Hong Kong but - alas - they have beautiful chubby babies and the sweetest little toddlers you ever saw! The few older children are so good with the little ones too. The guys end up in a group talking about sports. Yes, sports was the reason we got together tonight. Apparently the guys had a March Madness basketball pool and we were celebrating the winner with pizza. It sounds fun. It was fun but underlying was my discomfort. I am talking to the women. Discussions turn from weather and recent vacations and activities during spring break to mom talk. Yup, the mom talk always happens...and it would be one thing if I was that young single girl or that newly married young girl listening wide-eyed to the wisdom of these moms...the sad thing is I can join them on some topics because I've done so much reading - sad I know - but I don't have any kids. I just sit there silently as they talk about brands of cloth diapers, immunization shots, public versus private clinics...once again I don't fit in. I'm actually older then most of them by a few years. They know our trouble. It's awkward and uncomfortable for me. And to be honest - I hate it. But what am I going to do? Hide. Be anti-social. I can't do that either. Somehow I went from hanging out with people my own age who I had a lot in common with to now hanging out with people my own age that I don't have anything in common with. Most of these ladies are in a "mom" group together. I should have several kids. If I could have had them when I wanted to I'd have an 8 year old, a 5 year old and a 2 year old or thereabouts. Then my dear husband manages to hold all the babies and play with all the toddlers and all the women say how good he is with kids...sigh...I know he is!!!!! Again, the road of infertility is bumpy and hilly and totally unpleasant and .... lonely...this scene repeats over and over again. And I smile and act like I belong when really I don't... On a different note - two things I'm proud of today. I ran 2.14 miles and we are good at injections now. Who would have thought I could do this? When first they said we could do them at home I thought - we could never! But we can and it doesn't hurt. It's okay. Actually, when I rinse with Listerine it hurts far more than the shot ever does! Thank you Lord for that! I have a friend who is diabetic and I used to think how can she give herself insulin every day? But you do what you have to do...and so far no side effects from the Gonal-F. I was actually in a good mood today and felt more gracious toward people (a small miracle here in crowded Hong Kong). I ran because I need to try and lose all the weight I've gained from being on fertility medications and eating bad to deal with my emotions...I'm retraining myself to not use sweets that way. Like I'll be really tired and stressed out and say to myself "well I deserve a candy bar" and then I find I buy sweets all the time so I'm changing that. And decreasing portion size. Well, that's all for today. One more injection tomorrow night and then I go back to the doctors for my ultrasound on Friday.